he shakes his head, grip tightening as he looks up. leo's face is the beginnings of blotchy, eyes wet, pinched expression. like the kid who ran off after the last fight he and his parents had, needing a place to stay before he ran off to see the world.]
If I want to go to her funeral I have to face them. Baba... won't rest peacefully if I leave things like this, whenever the gods ask for her.
[because she will be in the realm of the gods, certainly. not in the underworld unlike her grandson.]
To see someone else experience something as painful as this, to see it happen to his best friend, it's. Terrible. He hates it, hates the tears in Leo's eyes despite the way he tells people it's okau to cry, it's not weakness.
Kuro says it, but it doesn't mean he wants to see it.
Carefully, he pulls his hands away to cradle that blotchy face in his big palms, thumbs brushing under his eyes. ]
Okay. [ Simple as that. ] Okay. It's scary, all of this is scary, but we talked about regrets. You don't want to have them, and your baba wouldn't, either.
[ When his mother died, he was a punk. A thug. He doesn't want Leo to face that pain. ]
[the gesture helps him a little, it's grounding and easy to focus on, though it brings on a fresh set of tears too. his grip tightens on kuro's shirt.]
So I should... talk to them, or at least see if they'll see me, right..? And talk to Baba. [nothing has ever felt harder in his entire life than these sets of actions.] What if they don't want anythin' to do with me still? I mean, I was disowned for a reason, you know? 'Cause I ran away, 'cause I didn't agree with 'em, and... and now Tsuka-tan's the only son the Suzakura has ever had.
[which has
never
been fair in his eyes, really, but not out of some selfish desire to have it all. leo's fine with having his own name. but to place that burden entirely on someone else? to have high expectations and be expected to take over a shrine, no buts about it? tsukasa could do so much more with his life, and it's leo's fault he can't.]
They might not even let me see Baba. [it's a terrifying truth. he rests his head against kuro again, sighing out his nose.] I'll... sneak in if that's the case, but I don't really want to.
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surprisingly
he shakes his head, grip tightening as he looks up. leo's face is the beginnings of blotchy, eyes wet, pinched expression. like the kid who ran off after the last fight he and his parents had, needing a place to stay before he ran off to see the world.]
If I want to go to her funeral I have to face them. Baba... won't rest peacefully if I leave things like this, whenever the gods ask for her.
[because she will be in the realm of the gods, certainly. not in the underworld unlike her grandson.]
I don't want to worry her to death.
no subject
To see someone else experience something as painful as this, to see it happen to his best friend, it's. Terrible. He hates it, hates the tears in Leo's eyes despite the way he tells people it's okau to cry, it's not weakness.
Kuro says it, but it doesn't mean he wants to see it.
Carefully, he pulls his hands away to cradle that blotchy face in his big palms, thumbs brushing under his eyes. ]
Okay. [ Simple as that. ] Okay. It's scary, all of this is scary, but we talked about regrets. You don't want to have them, and your baba wouldn't, either.
[ When his mother died, he was a punk. A thug. He doesn't want Leo to face that pain. ]
no subject
So I should... talk to them, or at least see if they'll see me, right..? And talk to Baba. [nothing has ever felt harder in his entire life than these sets of actions.] What if they don't want anythin' to do with me still? I mean, I was disowned for a reason, you know? 'Cause I ran away, 'cause I didn't agree with 'em, and... and now Tsuka-tan's the only son the Suzakura has ever had.
[which has
never
been fair in his eyes, really, but not out of some selfish desire to have it all. leo's fine with having his own name. but to place that burden entirely on someone else? to have high expectations and be expected to take over a shrine, no buts about it? tsukasa could do so much more with his life, and it's leo's fault he can't.]
They might not even let me see Baba. [it's a terrifying truth. he rests his head against kuro again, sighing out his nose.] I'll... sneak in if that's the case, but I don't really want to.