[ Something pangs in his chest, a wounded animal that's been kicked again when it's already been beaten to the point of breaking. His mother's alive, now, but it wasn't always like that. She slept more, too, when things were at their worst, when she was thin and exhausted but still trying to smile.
So Kuro doesn't say anything, at first. He just takes the clothes when they're shoved at him, and lets Leo come in without a word.
But he sets the clothes aside on the front table, atop his keys and wallet, and reaches out to tug Leo into him. ]
[the tug's enough of a surprise that leo only tenses once he's hit kuro's body, a moment passing before his fingers curl into the other's shirt and he presses his face against him.
he's scared, but he doesn't want to be. baba's can't die. she's ancient, she was lovers with a god who granted her a long life, she--]
[ Slowly, his hand lifts up to cradle the back of Leo's skull. It's a familiar position, in this life, in the last one, in the one before it, he's sure. But right now, it's something that he would've wanted when he was first presented with this same situation. A scary shadow looming over everything, and your loved one the only bright spot. ]
She'll be okay. [ Is it a white lie to reassure him? Who knows. He hopes that his baba was a lover of a god. He hopes Leo doesn't face the same pain he did. ]
Sounds just like the baba you've told me about, Leo.
[ He combs his fingers through his hair at the back, consoling with the quake that he can feel against his chest, under his palm, in his bones. She'll be okay, Suzu. She's made of tougher stuff. ]
It's okay. [ It isn't. But this is okay. To be vulnerable is okay. ] You know what we can do? We can sneak you in, get around all that shit with your parents, give you a chance to see her without havin' to deal with them. Figure it out in no time.
he shakes his head, grip tightening as he looks up. leo's face is the beginnings of blotchy, eyes wet, pinched expression. like the kid who ran off after the last fight he and his parents had, needing a place to stay before he ran off to see the world.]
If I want to go to her funeral I have to face them. Baba... won't rest peacefully if I leave things like this, whenever the gods ask for her.
[because she will be in the realm of the gods, certainly. not in the underworld unlike her grandson.]
To see someone else experience something as painful as this, to see it happen to his best friend, it's. Terrible. He hates it, hates the tears in Leo's eyes despite the way he tells people it's okau to cry, it's not weakness.
Kuro says it, but it doesn't mean he wants to see it.
Carefully, he pulls his hands away to cradle that blotchy face in his big palms, thumbs brushing under his eyes. ]
Okay. [ Simple as that. ] Okay. It's scary, all of this is scary, but we talked about regrets. You don't want to have them, and your baba wouldn't, either.
[ When his mother died, he was a punk. A thug. He doesn't want Leo to face that pain. ]
[the gesture helps him a little, it's grounding and easy to focus on, though it brings on a fresh set of tears too. his grip tightens on kuro's shirt.]
So I should... talk to them, or at least see if they'll see me, right..? And talk to Baba. [nothing has ever felt harder in his entire life than these sets of actions.] What if they don't want anythin' to do with me still? I mean, I was disowned for a reason, you know? 'Cause I ran away, 'cause I didn't agree with 'em, and... and now Tsuka-tan's the only son the Suzakura has ever had.
[which has
never
been fair in his eyes, really, but not out of some selfish desire to have it all. leo's fine with having his own name. but to place that burden entirely on someone else? to have high expectations and be expected to take over a shrine, no buts about it? tsukasa could do so much more with his life, and it's leo's fault he can't.]
They might not even let me see Baba. [it's a terrifying truth. he rests his head against kuro again, sighing out his nose.] I'll... sneak in if that's the case, but I don't really want to.
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well. He raises a brow, but steps to the side to allow him inside, because. That is particularly odd. ]
C'mon, then. Let's hear it.
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[like a small crack in a dam. he hunches his shoulders a bit, slouching as he comes in with the outfit tucked beneath his arm.]
I mean, it might be nothin' but old people problems like she tells Tsuka-tan, but--
[leo hesitates, then shoves the clothes at kuro.]
Wha~tever! Make me a skirt for that, 'kay? Cheerleading outfits shouldn't be shorts, even in a school full of guys.
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So Kuro doesn't say anything, at first. He just takes the clothes when they're shoved at him, and lets Leo come in without a word.
But he sets the clothes aside on the front table, atop his keys and wallet, and reaches out to tug Leo into him. ]
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he's scared, but he doesn't want to be. baba's can't die. she's ancient, she was lovers with a god who granted her a long life, she--]
Do you think she'll be okay, Kuro?
[soft, like he doesn't want to be heard.]
It's just an old person problem... right?
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She'll be okay. [ Is it a white lie to reassure him? Who knows. He hopes that his baba was a lover of a god. He hopes Leo doesn't face the same pain he did. ]
It's like a little kid. Old people get tired.
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[but it's not very convincing, even to himself, and he sighs shakily. he won't cry. there's a chance she'll be fine, that she's not dying.]
Sorry, I didn't wanna come over like this, but-- I can't stop thinkin' about it. I wanna see her before anything bad does happen, if it does, but...
[... his parents.]
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[ He combs his fingers through his hair at the back, consoling with the quake that he can feel against his chest, under his palm, in his bones. She'll be okay, Suzu. She's made of tougher stuff. ]
It's okay. [ It isn't. But this is okay. To be vulnerable is okay. ] You know what we can do? We can sneak you in, get around all that shit with your parents, give you a chance to see her without havin' to deal with them. Figure it out in no time.
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surprisingly
he shakes his head, grip tightening as he looks up. leo's face is the beginnings of blotchy, eyes wet, pinched expression. like the kid who ran off after the last fight he and his parents had, needing a place to stay before he ran off to see the world.]
If I want to go to her funeral I have to face them. Baba... won't rest peacefully if I leave things like this, whenever the gods ask for her.
[because she will be in the realm of the gods, certainly. not in the underworld unlike her grandson.]
I don't want to worry her to death.
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To see someone else experience something as painful as this, to see it happen to his best friend, it's. Terrible. He hates it, hates the tears in Leo's eyes despite the way he tells people it's okau to cry, it's not weakness.
Kuro says it, but it doesn't mean he wants to see it.
Carefully, he pulls his hands away to cradle that blotchy face in his big palms, thumbs brushing under his eyes. ]
Okay. [ Simple as that. ] Okay. It's scary, all of this is scary, but we talked about regrets. You don't want to have them, and your baba wouldn't, either.
[ When his mother died, he was a punk. A thug. He doesn't want Leo to face that pain. ]
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So I should... talk to them, or at least see if they'll see me, right..? And talk to Baba. [nothing has ever felt harder in his entire life than these sets of actions.] What if they don't want anythin' to do with me still? I mean, I was disowned for a reason, you know? 'Cause I ran away, 'cause I didn't agree with 'em, and... and now Tsuka-tan's the only son the Suzakura has ever had.
[which has
never
been fair in his eyes, really, but not out of some selfish desire to have it all. leo's fine with having his own name. but to place that burden entirely on someone else? to have high expectations and be expected to take over a shrine, no buts about it? tsukasa could do so much more with his life, and it's leo's fault he can't.]
They might not even let me see Baba. [it's a terrifying truth. he rests his head against kuro again, sighing out his nose.] I'll... sneak in if that's the case, but I don't really want to.